


Silverwing’s Tale (Novelization)

by SnowMercury



Series: Silverwing's Tale Novellas/Mini-fics/Super Editions/Etc [1]
Category: Original Work, Silverwing’s Tale, Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Gen, LGBT characters, M/M, Multi, Other, Trauma Flashback
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29597763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowMercury/pseuds/SnowMercury
Summary: Silver is a young loner, born to parents who love her. When a sudden death in the family tears everyone apart, what choice does she have but to join her father in SilverClan? And maybe the bigger question is, what does this mean for the three clans in the valley?This is a novelization of a WIP WC fancomic that I also make, which can be found here: https://silverwingstale.tumblr.com/tagged/comic/chrono . I’m trying a new approach to making the comic that will hopefully lead to more frequent updates! This can be read without prior Warriors knowledge, as most things are fairly intuitive to an extent, or otherwise explained. It also differs from Warriors canon in several respects.
Relationships: Jay/Goldstar the Wise, Jay/Whisperingstar (Unrequited), Silver/Lizardpaw, Tigerpaw(OC)/Silver (Unrequited)
Series: Silverwing's Tale Novellas/Mini-fics/Super Editions/Etc [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174373





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to the world, and our protag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a link to reading this chapter in comic form!  
> https://silverwingstale.tumblr.com/tagged/prologue/chrono

Long ago, there was a battle. And this battle was between four very important cats and their clowders at the time, all through torrents of rain and the storm. It has been forgotten what the battle was about, or started over, but we do remember what these cats said, what they stood for.

Silverstar the Wise, leader of SilverClan, spoke for the cats of the plains and moors. “We fight for what is necessary,” she said, “and when we can win. And we can win this battle, so back down.” The other leaders did not listen.

Duskstar the Peaceful (although she wasn’t so peaceful then), leader of DuskClan, spoke for the cats on the mountain, used to living in the sheer cold and facing what laid ahead with acceptance and kindness. “We fight for what we need,” she said, “and when we must. Need is the strongest motivator, so we will take what we need to survive. Do not stop us.” But the other leaders did not listen.

Goldstar the Clever, leader of GoldClan, represented the cats of the caves, the deep caverns beneath the mountain, and the tunnels. “We know who will win this battle,” she signed, “and how they will. It’s us. So back off.” Again, the other leaders did not listen.

And finally, Dawnstar the Brave, leader of DawnClan, growled on behalf of the cats of the forest, of dense undergrowth and looming trees. “We will win this battle and the land,” she said, “and there is nothing you three can do to stop us. Now roll over and beg before we shred your ears.” The other leaders, once again, did not listen, and only continued the fight.

The blood of their clanmates had long since been spilled, but the four leaders did not care. They didn’t stop squabbling with each other, exchanging useless blow after useless blow, missing due to the slickness of the rain. During one of the pauses in their fight, during which they stood and glared at each other, they were distracted from their bubble by a new voice.

On a nearby rock sat a strange cat, not from any one of the clans, who regarded them with a cold glare. Her words were this.

“Each of you, as leaders, are petty fools and examples of why the leadership in the clans is corrupt. You are so invested in being right that you didn’t care enough to notice the wounded around you, so intent on winning that you didn’t care to search for alternatives, and so prideful you didn’t stop to call for a retreat for your clearly wounded warriors. 

How many lives are going to be lost tonight because you leaders decided to ‘never give up’? The land you are fighting over could easily be shared. It is going to be shared, in fact, and the next cat to try to restrict access to water will be drowned by their self-importance.”

The rain overhead slowed to a stop, leaving all those present with soaked fur. The stars behind the strange cat seemed to glow even brighter, as the clouds quickly cleared overhead.

“Furthermore, while StarClan may still accept the warriors, medicine cats, elders, deputies, and so on, leaders of clans will no longer become members of StarClan. You will be restricted to one corner of the sky, while StarClanners will run free. It will not be as bad a fate as SunClan, being burnt and bleached by the very land you live on, but you will be able to see SunClan and StarClan both.”

The stranger, whose name was Moonfur, continued to speak.

“All leaders will now become members of MoonClan instead. You can talk to other leaders, but will be restricted from family or loved ones who did not also become leader. Maybe now you’ll listen to your warriors and consider the price of power.”

Moonfur lifted her her head, tail flicking with annoyance as she looked down on the four leaders. They accepted this, having realized what they did was wrong, and—

  
  


“Moooom! That’s not how it goes, Moonfur says a bunch more stuff like ‘StarClan raised me and brought me down from the stars above’, and ‘if you don’t do what I say, then peril will fall upon the land’, and she tries to stop the battle THREE TIMES before the leaders notice! You’re missing all the good parts!”

Silver looked up at her mother, annoyed at the liberties Jay had taken. Jay just smiled down at her kit, patiently. Rowan sat, listening, while Eagle laid down nearby, bored but tired of playfighting. Hawk and Bronze, meanwhile, tussled nearby. The underground den was dark, but warm and dry.

“And the leaders all took their clans after that, because that was when they split into clans, and GoldClan went under the mountain, the only way into or out of the valley! And DuskClan went up on top of the mountain on the other side of the valley, watching over the lands outside, because they proved they could be peaceful and not spy on the other clans! And DawnClan went to the forest, because that was where they blended in the best, and SilverClan went to the fields because they could find the most bones there! 

And I’m gonna be the best leader of SilverClan when I grow up! I’m gonna be the wisest and give all the other cats lotsa food and keep everybody safe! I’ll be so good a leader they make me leader of the other three clans too!”

Silver spoke, getting more and more excited, practically buzzing at the thought. 

“You’ll be able to live in the clans then, mom, and loners won’t be kicked out, and DawnClan’ll have to stop being mean then!”

Hawk and Bronze stopped in their tumbling to listen. They were both used to this vehemence from their sister, but she could get awfully loud when she was excited about something.

“And I’ll be the best deputy in the clans!” Rowan shouted as he tackled his sister Silver, grinning. “I’ll make sure everybody listens to you and be the most loyal cat and the best at organizing so you don’t have to worry about patrols!”

Silver gasped in surpise as she was knocked over, but ended up grinning. “Yeah, we’ll be the best leader and the best deputy and so cool StarClan will always come to visit us in MoonClan ‘cause you’ll be leader after me, Ro!”

Eagle laughed from the corner. “I can’t believe you two even want to become clan cats. All they do is be bossy and don’t let anybody else on their land.”

Silver stuck her tongue out at him. “That’s not true! GoldClan always shows us the way through their territory so we can visit dad, it’s only DawnClan that’s the problem, ‘cause DuskClan isn’t even around anymore and dad even leads SilverClan! He used to be a loner too, y’know!”

Eagle scoffs, ears tilted back as he sits back down. “You really think that’ll always be true? Someday he’ll be gone and the clans won’t be so nice anymore, and then you’ll see what happens.”

Jay leaned forward, interrupting Silver in her response to Eagle in order to diffuse the situation.

“I’m sure you will, Sil. The best leader there ever was. We’ll have to tell your dad when we visit him next after this sandstorm clears up; he can give you leader tips.”

Silver groaned, ears flicking back. “Mom, I don’t NEED my fur fixed! It’s fine, I just want to hear the rest of the story!”

Hawk piped up, “Or you can tell us another story about dad?”

Jay smiled, leaning back and looking down at her kits, feeling her small smile in her heart more than on her mouth. She would do anything for them, and was proud of how they were growing up into little warriors in their own right, even if they never decided to join the clans. 

“Of course, Hawk. How about how we met? It was before he became the leader of SilverClan, before he even joined in fact! He used to be a loner like me, you see, and our parents were always traveling…”

The sandstorm outside raged on, a near-constant backdrop to the five kittens’ childhood. They all listened with rapt attention to the rest of the story, even Eagle. It was an almost perfect family moment and would have been made better only if their father, Goldstar, was there.


	2. Survivor’s Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take a turn for the worse.
> 
> Canon-typical violence/character death tags apply to this chapter.
> 
> Link to read in comic form: https://silverwingstale.tumblr.com/tagged/chapter-1/chrono
> 
> Note: Comic version is not finished!

The peacefulness of childhood is not one that lasts long. Not for everybody. Sometimes, when growing up, loneliness can become a defining feature- loneliness and resourcefulness.

Both her parents were there, spiritually, but Silver’s dad lived far away in the valley, and a well-timed sandstorm could keep him away for weeks. Jay did what she could, but she was only one cat raising five kittens all on her own, and there are some maladies that are simply unpreventable. Loners were usually quick to help other cats in need, but Jay’s association with the clans left many of them wondering why she simply wouldn’t go to them if she needed help- or they took a stunningly isolationist policy, and wouldn’t have helped anyways. 

So when Jay fell sick to a deep, rattling cough and a burning, raspy fever, the five kittens were thankfully old enough to hunt. The desert is a hard place to live, but they had the advantages of numbers- when one of Eagle’s hunts failed, one of Rowan’s would succeed, and so on. They were getting to the age when they would have been made apprentices in the clan, and so they were just about the size of an adult cat anyways, lacking largely only in skill, finesse, and knowledge. 

They were ready enough to strike out on their own, Eagle had said. It was the nature of life, he had continued, for kittens to outlive their mothers. Luck would already be the decider of their mother’s life, and with one less mouth to feed, they would be much less likely to starve themselves. Even with their failsafe of having multiple hunters out at a time, hunts were never exactly prosperous, and hunger was something each of them had known by now.

The vote to kick him out of the den until Jay recovered was unanimous. Give him a chance to see how his obsession with survival only for himself would go. Among themselves, after he had left, they had agreed that they would keep an eye out, and make sure he wouldn’t  _ starve _ . But neither would they keep him from understanding what his idea meant.

But that didn’t stop the largest worry for Silver. Her mother was sick, and although they had all learned some basic healing herbs in their last visit, they certainly had not learned anything to cure this. Jay’s survival was on herself, alone. No matter what Silver wanted to do to help her.

She looked down at Jay, holding an old dried maple leaf, and gently she places it on her mother’s face. Maybe it will help, somehow. 

“I hope you wake up soon, mom. Things are getting tough here without you.”

Rowan would be getting back soon. He would bring food, she knew. He would bring something to eat, something for their mom to eat. 

Jay shivered. Silver heard the sound of a pawpad on the dusty, trodden ground in their den, and turned her head, still thinking of Jay. 

“I’m so glad you’re back, Rowan, I-“ and here she stops. Here she stops, because in front of her, silhouetted by the bright midafternoon sun striking the desert, is Eagle. 

Silver’s breath is stolen for a moment, twisted by a rattlesnake biting her heart and rattling, rattling so loud it escapes her lungs in a snarled hiss. 

“You.” The word drips with venom and spit. 

Eagle chuckles, stepping further into the den. He lifts one paw up, as if examining the claws on it, trying to somehow subtly show off that he has them unsheathed. He smiles, something she may have once found some comfort in, before he started coming up with all of these horrible ideas of abandonment. 

“What, you don’t miss your other brother?” The words are stunningly light, and some corner of Silver’s heart lightens. Maybe this situation isn’t so bad. Maybe he isn’t so bad- maybe he wants to reconcile- but the glint of the light on his claws reminds her how he approached. 

Hawk had been waiting outside, keeping an eye out. They were going to go hunting together after Silver had given Jay the leaf. She would have said something, if Eagle had apologized. Hawk would have come into the den, proud as nothing else. 

Despite the heat outside, Silver feels a chill deep inside her. 

“You aren’t welcome here, Eagle, not after what  _ you _ suggested-“ She’s cut off, by a disgusted snort from Eagle.

“Yeah, and I still stand by it!” His face is contorted, twisted into hatred. Silver can’t tell if it’s towards her or their mother laying on the ground behind them. “She’s holding you back, Sil!”

She almost gags at the use of the nickname like this, in this conversation. It feels like something more than hunger is scraping at her belly now. Eagle pretends not to notice, his expression softening for a second, claws sheathing once again in a moment of- what? What is that she sees on her face? 

But whatever it is, it doesn’t last long. He seems to muster up something and continues, starting to pace. “Jay is holding all of us back- isolated out here! And if you can’t see that, well…”

He takes a second. He stops pacing. There’s almost a rehearsed quality to his words, like when Jay tells them stories of the great warriors and leaders, walking among the moon and stars now. They’re stories she has been told often, something that drives her now, something that makes this situation into something of a play, something of a mirror to one old, old story or another.

They are, after all, just kittens. Playing at what they know. 

Eagle’s claws unsheathe. Silver is looking at them when he speaks.

“I’ll have to make you.”

What does she say to that? What can she do but remember what those claws fell like in play, remember the strength behind their play fights. 

“What are you going to do, kill me?” Silver asks. It is a terrible, terrible time when even that is brought into question. There is a fear that has been planted in her soul now, towards her own brother. 

Eagle laughs, more out of relief than anything else. “Why would I do that?”

There is a moment where he shakes his head, lets himself laugh. Both of them are trembling now, her still out of fear at his open claws, and him out of something she doesn’t know of. “I love you!” He says like a reassurance, like a reminder. 

And then he calms down, and leans forward, head down. His tail flicks. “I’m going to kill her.”

  
  


The rattlesnake bites down. Squeezes the life from Silver’s heart to the point she thinks the might faint, and as it is she physically staggers back like his words were a visible blow. Leaving her to die was one, absolutely horrendous suggestion, but this? This is on another level entirely. He had always been obsessed with strength, and being strong, but not ever to this extent, this was never something she could have imagined him saying or doing. 

“You WHAT?” The words tear out of her throat, leaving pain behind.

The mere thought, the emotion of the situation brings tears to her eyes, but that lessens none of the fire in them as she leans forward herself, taking the battle stances they have practiced and been taught. 

“You _can’t-_ **I** won’t let you.” Her teeth are bared, and claws unsheathed. 

“I don’t need your permission!” Childishly, Eagle retorts. As if this is something any of them could give permission for. But in his words, Silver softens- not because of their content, but because of what she sees behind Eagle, another silhouette in the cave opening. 

Alone, she wasn’t sure she could have fought Eagle. Silver is not so eager to draw blood, certainly not from kin.

But Rowan has always had a weight to him, taking more after their father’s heavy-footed stature than their mother’s skinny one. And two against one, although not fair, is an advantage Silver will gladly take in this situation.

Silver steps towards Eagle, empowered now. She tastes the salt from her tears as she speaks. “This is your last chance. Back off.”

Eagle’s confusion is very clear as he loses all anger in his face, replaced by an utter lack of understanding. “ _ My _ last chance?”

And Rowan steps forward, having silently slunk to beside Eagle through his blind spot. And Rowan speaks. It is a tone deep and full of anger, unlike Rowan’s usual lightness, and succinct like his words usually are.

“Get.  **Out.** ” 

Eagle is plainly surprised, jumping back. When he lands, he slips and manages to almost catapult himself outside the den, tumbling tail over head as he finally lands in the dust outside, puffed up and squinting in the sudden bright light. The sandy ground doesn’t move as much, likely because of the storm that had happened just the other night.

Naturally, Silver and Rowan follow him to the entrance of the den. They stand side by side, shoulders touching like as solid of a door two cats could be. Silver feels a rush of pride at managing to defend their mother, almost smiling through the stern expression she has towards Eagle. 

In the corner of her eye, Silver can see both Hawk and Bronze sitting, looking to Eagle with surprise. 

“Get OUT of here!” Rowan takes the opportunity to shout again, reinforcing their previous decision. His words hold a fragility in them, a vulnerability- something only Silver can recognize, because she can feel how he shakes.

Eagle shouts back, from his distance. “This is my home just as much as it is yours!” 

He then lifts his head, starting to smooth his fur. His expression is confused, and angry, and frustrated, all. And his next words are too quiet to hear. 

And then they all see the shadow. All except Eagle, who calls out again. 

“You’ll regret not listening, Sil-” His words stop there. The thing that blocks the sky from him has been noticed.

His expression when the claws wrap around his shoulders burns hotter in her memory than any heat she’s felt from the desert. It sears itself, brands itself into her memory.

She can’t even say, later, what was going on. But between the blood rushing in her ears, the shouts from both sides of her, and her own heartbeat- between how Rowan and Bronze and herself all just stand there, somehow Silver can hear Eagle’s last words exactly. Can remember the anger in his snarl, the way his mouth forms the words.

“This is your fault.”

When she is present again, it is to Hawk shouting Eagle’s name and racing after him. It is to Bronze, tears in their eyes, looking down to the ground and repeating how he is dead. And time is fragile and shattered in these moments, so it must be a long moment, but she can’t be sure- but the first time she can respond to something is when she hears three, soft words from her brother.

“I killed him.” Rowan is staring at the ground, trembling. But this claim is so outrageous that she feels she must say something, even through this sludge in her throat.

“What are you-” And the shout of someone else interrupts her.

Hawk has returned. 

“ **YOU** _KILLED HIM?”_ Her words are shouted, despite her gasps for air and trembling muscles from chasing after Eagle.

Hawk takes a second to breathe, staggering forward on her stiff legs, her tail lashing behind her as she looks to Silver. 

“He had CHANGED, he went in there to TALK to you, Silver!” Her anger is palpable, visible in tears down her cheeks. Silver stares this anger in the face, feeling suddenly guilty and ashamed, though she knows full well that that isn’t what happened. 

But her brother has just died, and the objection leaves her mouth too slow for Hawk, who has already turned to Rowan. To Rowan, who had seemingly just admitted to murder. 

Hawk’s expression is torn, is devastated, pleading- like somehow her words will change what has happened. 

“And Rowan, why would you….” Her breath is stuck, and when she closes her eyes, she regains some of her anger. “He was our brother.”

It builds within her. A fire, smoldering and puffing her up, lifting her head in ferocity and a snarl like a hiss of steam. The heat from her gaze and tears is focused fully on Rowan, who has been wilting.

“I don’t think I can call you mine.” These words, this declaration, Silver believes is brash. In the silence that follows, Bronze speaks too.

“I can’t either. I’m sorry.” Always one to soften their own words, Bronze looks to Rowan with sadness and betrayal. 

This is all going wrong. This is all going so, so wrong, and Silver knows it, but what can she do but try to convince Rowan? If he says it, maybe Hawk will listen.

So she looks to him. “Rowan,” Silver starts, “You know that’s not what-”

She is, again, interrupted. 

“It was my fault. I am so, so sorry.” His words are half-dead themselves, quiet and interlaced with shock. 

This is all Hawk needs to hear. She turns away.

“I can’t be here right now. Bronze, let’s go.” Her expression tilts into a snarl. “Maybe we’ll find his body, so we can mourn.”

And they leave. The sun is shining overhead, and for a few moments, Silver knows what it is like to be in SunClan, destined to have the sun beat down on you until your bones are all that is left, and then even those are bleached. She almost would have preferred that to what has just happened.

So she looks to Rowan again, when she knows he must be overheating, but he is now only sitting on the ground, in the dust, unmoving. 

“Come on,” Silver says, unable to put much emotion into it. She wants to go inside. She wants her mom.

Rowan stays still. “No, you go in.”

Silver moves to sit next to him, her nose scrunched up. “This isn’t your fault. It was- it was a horrible accident, yeah, but an accident.”

Rowan turns away, bristling, as he speaks. “No. You don’t get it- I’m dangerous. I chased him out of the den, I should have seen the hawk, what if I  _ did _ . He’s dead because of me.”

Silver stands up, shaking her head. “No, he’s not! He’s- He’s dead, but it isn’t because of you, Rowan. You saved me, you saved mom-“

“No I didn’t!” He turns back to her, snarling, tears gathering in his eyes. “Mom’s still in there, and you were holding yourself just fine! I just- I went in there and I misunderstood and I chased him out, I- you…” Rowan deflates, fur drooping. “You heard Hawk. He wanted to apologize. And I killed him.”

And Silver doesn’t know what to say to that. She doesn’t know what to make of everything that’s happened today, and she mostly just wants things to be like they were, before all of this, before Eagle had his horrible, horrible suggestion. 

“I’m not going inside. I won’t.” Rowan shakes his head, and looks back to the den. His expression is filled with guilt and shame, his ears pulled back. And though Silver doesn’t know it, he’s thinking of his mom, and how could he ever tell her what he has done to his brother? How could she ever love him, again.

But Silver can tell that something is in his head. And she is scared, moreso than she has been before, because she has just had proof that her siblings can die. She has seen it, first hand. 

And so she suggests they go hunting, and they do. And much later, when the night is cold and their mom has managed to eat the mouse they caught, and when Hawk and Bronze are in the den and Silver and Rowan outside, they talk. 

They talk in the silence. They decide to become clan cats, and stay with their father. And then Silver asks something of Rowan.

“Rowan,” she starts, having spent their entire hunt thinking of how to help her brother, “Maybe…” 

And Rowan looks to her, and does not say anything.

“Maybe when we become clan cats, you should be a Medicine Cat. They’re usually quiet, they don’t see battle, they  _ heal _ . You’ll never have to worry about killing again.”

And Rowan nods. And they both fall into a deep sleep, under the stars which twinkle overhead. 


	3. Self Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silver and Rowan head to visit their father with their mom.
> 
> Comic format of this chapter has not been started/completed yet!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is based off of one I made in 2012 when I was 12 years old for a warrior cats oc rp site. The character’s names are based off of that one Girl Scouts song about friends and silver and gold, I honestly forget the words lol. It’s been revamped several times over.

Many days later, the sun rises on a family of three. The desert is cold this early in the morning, and Silver leans into her brother when the breeze blows. He pulls away, and starts to walk ahead as Jay follows up the rear, wanting to keep an eye on her kits. 

Silver tries not to let it get to her. 

It’s been some time since the last conversation she or Rowan have had with Hawk or Bronze, and their mother has noticed the quiet when they are in the same space. She’s also noticed the absence of Eagle.

There are some questions that Silver can’t bring herself to answer, no matter how insistently they’re asked. There are some questions none of her littermates can answer, either. Jay has, Silver assumes, intuited that  _ something _ happened with the desert itself. She had been very insistent on asking Hawk and Bronze if they would like to stay with their father for a bit as well, or if they would like to travel with them to the clan. 

If it had happened how Jay had assumed it had, then her questions would have been very kind. But the truth of Eagle’s death, and his motivations, weighs heavily over the four kittens like the shadow of the bird had over him in his last moments. It is a symbol of something left, something still to come. Some approaching storm to bring a flood of information and emotions and realizations.

But for now, they are content in their silence, contempt, and simmering.

Hawk had turned away and stared Rowan in the eyes. Had said ‘no’ in a voice filled with hatred and loss and ten thousand other emotions masking each other into some semblance of neutrality and calm. Each emotion was conveyed, instead, through her eyes- unseen by their mother, despite being in plain view.

Silver watched as Rowan turned away and their mother nodded, telling them to find a cat named Night if they needed any help, that he and his mate Snowbelle would be willing to help them. Advice come too late. 

The den was silent after that. Perhaps Bronze had nodded to their mother, showing she was heard; perhaps they were even genuine in their gratitude. But perhaps it was their own brand of bland platitudes and appeasements, something that made Silver’s emotions crawl up the back of her throat like cicadas in a burrow. 

But back to the present.

In her moments of musing, Silver had almost missed their approach to the mountains nearing its end. There is a familiar face at one of the openings to the clans, standing there with her grey fur long and wispy and elegant, as ever. Two apprentices are with her as well, just as familiar.

“Jay!” calls out Whisperingstar, a smile in the lady’s eyes and expression, “How good it is to see you again!”

Silver does not see her mother’s expression, but can hear the answering kindness in her tone. It is similar to that which she uses to talk about their father, Goldstar, though she has never mentioned or treated Whisperingstar as another of their parents. 

“Whisper, it’s good to see you.” Beyond the kindness, there is also a sense of relief in Jay’s tone. Their mother moves forward to greet Whisperingstar, and they embrace as cats do, with their necks touching before they both pull back and touch noses to each other’s cheeks with eyes closed for only a moment. And then they pull back fully, Jay breathing a deep sigh of relief. “Tell me, how is Goldclan?”

“It is well. We’ve been blessed with more kits than we know what to do with, truly, and new arrivals besides. The bats have grown in similar numbers, and the lizards too- and Bluecrystal has been designing the most beautiful crowns lately, you’ll have to see them at some point.” She pauses here, the leader seeing something in Jay’s expression, and then in her glance at Silver and Rowan. “Ah. Is… Everything alright?”

Silver sees her mother smile, and respond. “That would be best to talk about on our way to Silverclan, I’d love to see the crowns but I’m afraid my kits have been very antsy to see their dad.”

Whisperingstar nods, and turns to the nearest cave entrance. “Come then, let’s start our walk. Charcoalpaw, Lizardpaw, you know to make sure our guests walk steadily.”

The two apprentices nod, the orange one more enthusiastically while the dark grey-furred one does so begrudgingly. Silver smiles, though she knows her friend can’t see her smile.

“Silver! Glad to be your guide, again!” The traditional greeting brushes against Silver’s fur in comfort just as much as her brother’s fur would. 

“Lizardpaw, glad to be guided. Have any new landmarks to point out this time?”

Something in her tone must betray her emotions, because Lizardpaw’s nose scrunches in confusion. Charcoalpaw makes an exasperated sound when he turns to Rowan and says ‘glad to be your guide, come on’, some short bastardization of the phrase filled with impatience. Lizardpaw stays back as the other two pairs head into the tunnels first, waiting for some distance before she starts forward. 

“I haven’t learned of any new ones, no. But something’s eating at you, I can tell. What’s going on?”

Silver follows Lizard dutifully, entering the darkness of the caves and feeling her companion’s tail draping itself across her back, guiding. 

“I’m not sure it’s my place to say.” Silver starts, before continuing, “But I can share what the result is, I guess. Hawk and Bronze don’t want to talk to us anymore, and Eagle…” What is there to say, about Eagle? So much has happened since their last visit. So much has been revealed, torn down, broken.

“I don’t think I’ll see Eagle for a long, long time.” It isn’t a lie. But it isn’t the whole truth, either. The whole truth would be too exposing, even in this darkness that she can’t see her paws in. There is some kind of comfort, in being unable to see the other cats around you, almost like they are not there- though she can still hear their muffled conversations up ahead.

“That sucks.” The truth of the statement shocks a laugh out of Silver, her first in days. “I don’t have siblings, I’ve never lost them- but if it’s anything like losing clanmates, I know… I know it can be hard. If you want to talk about it… I’m willing to listen.”

The curved walls bounce so many conversations off of them that it is hard to make out anything of the others’ words besides what Lizard is saying right next to her. The soft brush of Lizardpaw’s long fur against Silver’s side and her words both bring a smile to Silver’s face, and she is glad to have such a good friend. 

“Thank you.” Silver bumps into Lizard’s side in return; softly, of course, “I’m lucky to have met such a kind cat.”

“Wh- Oh, thank you?” Lizardpaw’s voice takes on a squeaky quality towards the end of her words, as though the compliment was unexpected. “I am pretty kind, huh? You’re pretty kind yourself, uh, too.” Silver feels the tail on her back shift a bit, as though its owner is nervous.

“I’m glad to have met you, I hope you know.” Lizard’s next words have the tone of an almost fumble that winds up catching at the last second. Silver laughs a bit, and it turns into a bit of a purr. 

“I know.” 

  
  


Up ahead, Rowan and Charcoalpaw are silent. Charcoalpaw guides Rowan with his tail, but his movements are not careful or practiced, and Rowan has already slipped once or twice on small stalagmites starting to form. His guide’s clumsiness doesn’t seem to extend only to him, though, as Charcoalpaw trips over one such stalagmite himself. 

“I hate that we have to lead outsiders through the caves. It sucks!” Charcoal’s words cause Rowan’s eyes to widen for a moment, as useless as that is in these dark, dark tunnels. “I get that the alternative is letting you all get lost and stuck and rotting up the place, but cleaning that up would be easier than this-!”

“Charcoalpaw, that’d better have not been your complaining I hear back there. Do you want to be stuck on Guide duty for the next half-moon?” Whisperingstar’s voice takes a stern tone towards him, as he hadn’t noticed that she was close enough to listen.

Rowan can’t hold back a little laugh, before stifling it when Charcoalpaw dutifully rests his tail on Rowan’s back again, guiding him silently now. 

  
  


Whisperingstar shakes her head in the darkness, well aware that it will be seen by nobody.

“He truly needs to work on his etiquette.” 

“I’m glad he has the chance to do it.” Jay blinks at Whisperingstar while saying this. “Although I wish he wouldn’t mess up so much with my kit.”

Whisperingstar nods with an affirmative sound. “I agree. At least they’re roughly the same age- if Charcoalpaw was older and still acting this way, I wouldn’t trust him to guide your kit around, punishment for being rude or not.” She pauses for a second in her speech, not her gait, before saying “I think there was something you wanted to talk about, earlier, but if you’ve changed your mind please don’t be pressured.”

Jay is quiet for a moment, before she speaks. 

“I think one of my children is dead. I think it happened when I was so sick I couldn’t think, beyond the fever and the hallucinations. But I don’t know why, or how, and- the kids, they’re not telling me, I’ve tried asking and I’ve tried giving them time, and I hope that if there was a chance he was alive they would tell me. But I don’t know, and I don’t know how I’m going to tell Goldstar. 

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to resist joining the clans any longer, and I don’t know if I still should. When I was younger, I was so sure that raising our kits away from all the- the drama, and the politics, and the  _ tension _ , that it would be good for them.” It all comes out in one long, long breath. 

Jay has been thinking about this for some time, and it has been weighing on her. 

“I always thought that Night and Snowbelle, that Comet, that any of the other loners like Frog or Fawn, that they’d step in and notice, or help. I tried telling Eagle when he was watching over me, and the others were hunting, and I knew time was running low- that he should go to them, any of them, and they would help. I could have sworn he said he would. But maybe I was seeing things, even then.”

She is silent for a moment. Whisperingstar keeps her tail on her back, reassuring. 

“I thought being a parent, it would be so easy to know the right thing to do. That I’d have some-some kind of instinct, as a parent, some sort of sense for what the right thing to do would be. But there isn’t, there’s only… Talking, and thinking, and long days and long nights. I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but how do I keep them safe? How do I…” Jay trails off, not sure where to even go. She leans into Whisperingstar’s shoulder, her breaths shuddering and unsteady, but slowly getting better. 

Whisperingstar leans into her enough for comfort. “It’s a difficult question, to be sure.” She rests her head on Jay’s head softly, hoping to comfort her. “I can only say what I’ve learned from my clanmates, and guiding them, and even that is not much. But I am sorry for your loss. My only advice is to give them time, and not pressure them. But make sure they know that you care, and that you value each of them. It sounds like you’ve been doing well with that balance.”

When Jay nods, Whisperingstar continues. “And if you want help searching for little Eagle, all you have to do is say the word, and I will ask my warriors who is willing to help. I’m sure they would all want to; you’ve been a familiar face to most of them.”

Jay breathes a sigh of relief once again, and nods again. “I would greatly appreciate that. I don’t want to alarm the kids, so I think we shouldn’t tell them- it would pressure them, I think. But please do. I just want- I want to know what’s happened to my son, to my kids. All I know is that  _ something _ did, and not knowing leaves it as so, so many possibilities that it terrifies me. Thank you.”

Whisperingstar purrs in comfort. “Of course. You’re a dear friend, Jay.”

“And you are too, Whisper.”

  
  


Not long after, the six cats reach a point where most of them can see the light up ahead; the bright light of midafternoon sun, shining down into the valley. Whisperingstar bids Jay a goodbye and good luck, and Lizardpaw says much of the same to Silver. Charcoalpaw sticks his tongue out at Rowan, and heads back into the tunnels before the family is even out of view of the cavern opening.

And off they walk. Close to the opening is a small stream that opens up from part of the mountain, that they follow to find the border between Goldclan and Silverclan territories. 

This is the one part of either territory, tall with sparse birch trees and sunlight dappling down, where there are trees and not tall grass or rocks. The undergrowth is light, and frankly shorter and less constant than the fields of tall grass that populate Silverclan’s territory. One grove does stand tall in Silverclan’s territory solely- the clan’s camp, with burrows dug out from between the roots of the trees, which are carefully tended to to ensure that they grow well. 

These trees are now in view, as the three walk there, and the two kids regaining some of their levity, but not enough to be their usual lightness in Jay’s opinion.

Silver is enjoying the sunlight and the way it is softer than anything outside the valley when she sees it, out of the corner of her eye- a shadow. It approaches from overhead, it hides the sky from her, and she feels scales curl around her heart.

“Silver!”

The something tumbles into her side, sounding playful and light, but the only thing she can feel is terror and the sense of blood rushing in her ears, the sense of her lungs being squeezed. She’s easily knocked off her legs, and sees Rowan’s panicked expression out of the corner of her eyes.

It is a few seconds of being pinned that she has to regain her breath, before the other cat speaks again. “Silver?”

Tigerpaw stands over her, the tabby apprentice now looking greatly concerned. Over her shoulder, Silver sees Jay start to become concerned, knowing that this is not her usual reaction to Tigerpaw’s play. And panic wells up in her as she kicks up at Tigerpaw’s stomach, pushing her off much more roughly than she would have usually. 

“You can’t- don’t- don’t just  _ do _ that, okay? It’s not okay, I can’t- what if there had been a rock, I could have died! I-I-, I,  _ please _ . Don’t.” Silver rushes to her paws, paws static and stuttering as Jay moves over and starts grooming her head, comforting her daughter. Rowan looks torn between wanting to comfort and wanting to run, and Tigerpaw looks absolutely crestfallen.

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” Tigerpaw looks between Silver and Jay, shocked by this reaction but ultimately wanting to help. 

Silver shakes her head, ears back. “No, I’m sorry, I was rough- you didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Tigerpaw shakes her own head, her own ears back, but is completely unsure what to say that doesn’t disagree, and so stays silent. 

Rowan, too, is silent and does not speak. 

The four start on their way to Silverclan camp, Tigerpaw glancing over at Silver every now and then, obviously concerned. Rowan hangs back, and Jay lets Silver lean on her for support.

Just as they’re about to enter camp, Tigerpaw finally asks what’s been on her mind. “Silver, are you sure you’re oka-“

“I’m FINE!” Silver snaps, bristling immediately. She pulls away from her mom, moving forward into camp, walking much faster as she speeds up into a run. She sees her dad walking out of his den, and slows down as she gets close to him, to make sure that he hears her words.

“I’m taking a nap.” And that is all Silver says before she keeps moving forward, marching into her dad’s room and laying down, collapsing with the weight of her own emotions, bubbling and bursting like a pressure cooker improperly prepared. 

Rowan enters the den not long after, gingerly moving to sit next to her, watching her cry as he curls his tail around her, trying to comfort. 

But for the most part, the silence is occupied by Silver’s hitches in her breath, which slowly devolves into worse and worse sobs. 

“Mom stopped to talk to Dad. Neither of them are showing up here soon.”

Rowan’s words are comforting, and she lets herself cry for once, lets herself feel the total weight of her grief. Some corner of her is guilty for crying about this in front of Rowan, knowing that he blames himself, but no matter how much she tries to reign in her tears, they keep coming like a stampede of bulls, pushing forth past her eyelids to see the world outside.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying in front of you, I-, I sh-, I’m sorry.” Silver manages to get out between sobs, refusing to look Rowan in the eyes, hoping to keep from exposing him to the fullness of her emotions. He lays down next to her, loafing and leaning into her.

“He was my brother too. If anything, you have more right to mourn him than I do. You didn’t- He didn’t die because of you.” There are layers in what he does not say, and Silver wants to tell him so badly that he didn’t cause Eagle’s death, that it wasn’t his fault, that he didn’t murder. But she doesn’t know what words to use, and so she stays quiet except for her tears.

There is some time before they have to go back out there, out to the world. Here, inside their father’s den, they find some solace and rest. 

And so they sleep. When they wake up, it is to two cats curling around them, the entire family cuddled together in a pile. 

  
  


Silver still feels the slight burn behind her eyelids as she opens her eyes, looking up at her dad. Rowan is still asleep, and Jay has already started to doze, but Goldstar is only just laying down.

“Dad, Rowan and I want to join Silverclan. As real, official apprentices.”

And Goldstar looks down at his daughter, and smiles widely. He leans forward and, purring, licks her forehead as cats do.

“Then tomorrow, he will be Rowanpaw and you will be Silverpaw.”

And before Silver can stop her mouth, she continues. 

“He wants to be a medicine cat.”

And her father nods.

“Then a medicine cat apprentice he will be.”

They both fall asleep then, but one with a light heart and one with a heavy, heavy soul.


End file.
